im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
