How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You smell like stripper and shame
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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