btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
