I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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