I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
