My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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