Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize