Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
