im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Come on in and take your pants off
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