i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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