haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
