His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
