please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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