apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize