I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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