either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
