Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
