Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize