My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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