May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
