dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
