Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
someone owes me an orgasm
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
