my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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