I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
