Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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