I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
