So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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