just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
