just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize