Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
