I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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