So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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