someone threw a dead crab at me
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
