Whod you bang
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
