Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
