So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
