Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
