There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
