I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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