Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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