New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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