i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
