6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
