In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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