I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He keeps bees of course he's weird
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
