I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
