apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
