Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
