i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
