Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
