Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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