i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize