So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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