I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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