he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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