you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
