my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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