He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
