Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
