Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
