im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
