suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
