Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize