I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
